The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
