I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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