marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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