I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
