all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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