So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
