I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im holly from the hills drunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize