Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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