***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
