Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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