If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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