fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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