remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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