Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Alive.
So much puke
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you have feelings for this penis?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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