Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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