I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
