Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he wants to bone in the snuggie
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
