The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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