I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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