Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
