you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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