Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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