How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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