I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
