i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
