i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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