Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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