It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
