On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
