she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
