I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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