no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize