So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
