New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
