How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
