M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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