we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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