im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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