Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
