moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
