he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
