Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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