New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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