i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
