you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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