Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
