I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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