My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
