dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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