I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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