Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
