so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
