Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ttyl tear gas
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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