Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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