Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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