OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize