Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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