im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
