dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I love having hate sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
