she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
