apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
