it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
